What You Need To Know When You Have A Smear Test

Before you run screaming for a puppy to hug, a cervical screening test, or a smear test as they’re more commonly known, are an essential right of passage for all girls, admittedly, not a hugely exciting one, but totally necessary all the same.

Let’s get one thing straight, cervical screening is not directly a test for cancer; it’s a test to check the health of the cells of your cervix and you’ll be ‘invited’ to get one as soon as you hit 25.

So you don’t hide/chuck in the bin/pretend you never got your invitation, we’re going to run you through the process so you know what to expect and cut through all the smear test crap…

There’s not a dress code, but probably don’t wear comedy socks*

Or tights, or a short skirt. Basically, you don’t want to wear something that’s restrictive or very tight as you want to be able to get your bottom half undressed, and re-dressed as quickly and as smoothly as possible afterwards. Maxi skirts are great ‘cos you can just hoik it up to your waist then pull it down as soon as your test is over.

*FYI, bare legs and Christmas-themed socks are a bit awks, but a great ice-breaker.

You’ll enter a room (like any other doctor’s room) and meet your nurse…

No doubt, she’ll be super friendly. Here at Company, we’ve had the pleasure of having multiple smear tests, and every time, we’ve had a seriously nice nurse. If you’re nervous, tell her. If it's your first time, tell her. There’s really no point in being shy when you’re about to get into a state of undress...

Yes, you'll have to get undressed

But just your bottom half, so your top half can stay fully clothed. Oh, and there will be some paper toweling/cloth material (the blue stuff probably) on hand to helpfully preserve your modesty, it’s flimsy, but it does the trick.

You nurse has seen it ALL about a thousand times (approx)

This next point is key… you are not part of some vaginal beauty contest. You do not look abnormal, your nurse is not there to judge and she has seen every shape and size going. She’s also not looking superficially at you, she’s looking at your cervix. And we’re pretty sure none of them are oil paintings.

The actual process takes around five minutes

You’ll have to get into position (knees up and legs parted is the prescribed way) and a plastic instrument called a speculum will be gently inserted into your vagina to hold the walls of your vagina open so that your cervix is visible. Then, a tiny soft brush will be used to take some cells from the surface of your cervix. This part is not fun, but it should not be painful, it is just kinda uncomfortable. Try to breathe, stay relaxed and if you’re feeling pain, tell your nurse. Laughing also helps, even that weird fake laugh you get when you’re nervous.

You won’t get any results right away

After you’ve had the smear, you’ll get dressed and that’s that. Your sample will be sent away and you’ll usually get sent your results or get a text (yeah, some doctors are pretty techy) within 14 days – your nurse won’t give you a diagnosis or her theory on the state of your cells after the test.

Remember, don’t book in for one during your period.

Instead, arrange your appointment before or after your period – the NHS recommends the middle of your cycle (that’s usually 14 days from the start of your last one).

For more information on why having this test is SO important, head to the NHS here or find out more here