Today, chums, after consoling a friend who has just been dumped by email (as was I last year btw), I am digging into whether or not the technological break-up is indeed the worst way forward...
Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware that ending a relationship entirely by text takes a special breed of bellend, but watching the whole thing unravel made me question if it is such a bad way to get the break-up ball rolling.
Break-ups, especially one-sided ones, are NEVER fun. And they are almost never executed well. It is very rare for both parties to leave with all/any of their dignity intact. “Sorry, I’m just not in love with you.” Is even (although only marginally) worse than hearing, “Sorry, we’re all out of cake.” They are the most hurtful cluster of words known to man or woman. Nobody wants to hear them.
Even if YOU don’t love that person anymore either, those words still cut to the bone. The immediate physical and emotional reaction is often like a violent recoil and crumbling of the soul and ego. There are usually tears. A lot of tears.
More questions than socially acceptable. A substantial bit of rage, and more snot than any of us care to admit to. Is it necessary to have to go through all of that in front of the person who has just caused it? As if you haven’t suffered enough of an indignity at their hands already?
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We all have a fantasy break-up reaction. We smile, pick up our belongings, leave with the perfect catwalk strut, and get into a car driven by our new boyfriend, Ryan Gosling. Who then proposes to us in the car in front of said arsehole who has just broken our heart. But come on now...
Maybe technology has gifted us with a warning space?
Time to get our shit together. De-puff our swollen-with-tears face, find a great outfit, including some incredible lingerie in case of post break-up sex... And think of a cool goodbye that leaves them forever questioning their decision?
Rejection is a fate that I no longer think is necessary to be faced head-on. Out of the blue. As if being in an unexpected collision. I think perhaps it’s time the next generation cultivates some sort of template, which gives someone the time and preparation for the pain that ensues. Having been the dumper and the dumpee, I can say it is the most awkward, unpleasant experience known to man. (Well, providing man has never been to the gynaecologist!)
As cold as the notion is, perhaps a little heads up can help. Forewarned is forearmed, as they say. I am NOT suggesting that’s how you end the whole thing. There always has to be a face-to-face follow up and a willingness to answer questions honestly and kindly. But, personally, I think I have decided – I’d rather find my most humiliating fate in my inbox than in my bedroom.
