Are you a prude quiz

1. You’re offered £50 to pose as a life model for an all-male painting group at your local art college. Do you...

Run for the hills, lock the door and make yourself a nice cup of tea. Not that you have anything against nudity – you love watching Strictly Come Dancing. But your body is your temple, and only a husband-to-be is allowed to pray at its altar.

Agree to do it, but donate the money to a donkey sanctuary. Being paid would just cheapen the whole experience. You are an artist, not a jumped-up little Jordan. You love your body and just being asked has made your day (and a donkey’s).

Demand the £50 in advance, and give them a taster with a quick flash of your best breast (for 70% of you, this is your left breast, but do check in a mirror just to be sure). Then work the room while wearing your sexiest Agent Provocateur lingerie.

2. What’s your favourite sex position?

That is SO none of your business!

Me on top, so I can stroke my breasts, shake my hair and feel free, baby

How can I choose? I love them all darling!

3. Your girlfriends are thinking of booking a one-week holiday at a naturist yoga resort in Tenerife. You really need a break and have no one else to go on holiday with. How do you react?

Perfect, the idea of yoga in the sunshine, as nature intended, has put an instant smile on your face (and Manuel the instructor’s, we’re sure). All you need now is that lovely daisy-chain headband you spotted at The Hippy-Chic Boutique last week

Naturist yoga? Is that like Ashtanga? Ooh, I’m not so sure – I saw Madonna doing some of that in a very revealing leotard in that rude pop video of hers. Now what was it called again…? ‘Hung up’? Me? How very dare you!

No way, José. Tenerife? Yoga? You’ve already booked an ‘all-inclusive’ deal at Hedonism III! What’s the point in getting naked if it doesn’t involve plenty of sex? (ie who needs sun salutations when you can be a downward facing dog?)

4. How do you feel about topless sunbathing?

I think it should be banned, along with all other forms of pornography. One-piece swimsuits should be made compulsory. And they’re so much more flattering.

Topless is cool. Topless and bottomless is even better. It just makes you feel at one with nature – and saves a fortune on expensive bikinis.

I love it – it’s the best feeling in the world. All those men admiring my breasts because their uptight girlfriends are covered up. What’s not to love?!

5. An ex-boyfriend has posted naked pictures of you in a compromising position on his Facebook Wall. What do you do?

Sue!!… Yes, definitely Sue. Strumpet Sue is what he called her. He went out with her before me – little hussy. Granted, she looks like me, but I would never take take my clothes off in front of anyone like that – what do you take me for?

When will some people realise we were all born naked and that nudity is totally cool? God, he just needs to grow up and move on. Honestly, like anyone’s interested in seeing pictures of me with my kit off anyway.

What do you mean, ‘compromising’? That’s not compromising. That’s just foreplay! You should see what happened five minutes later… But yes, I agree, it’s not my most flattering angle (even if my breasts do look fabulous).

6. When you look at yourself naked in the mirror, what do you think?

Why on earth would I do that? God, this quiz is totally disgusting!

I think, ‘Beauty, peace and love. What a shame I have to get dressed.’

Mmm... I think, ‘You lucky, lucky boys!’

Quiz! Are you a prude?

Take Agony Uncle Mikey's quick quiz to find out if you're a prissy old prude, raunchy and rude... or just enjoy getting nude!

By Clare Gill

Join us Here

Instagram @CompanyMagazine

Twitter @companymagazine

Join us Now!